I've never heard of Djibouti.
Where is it?
Some say his ears aren't exactly where you expect them to be and once, proposturesely, he had an affair with John Prescott.
Some also say he has a digital face and if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar.
Some say that his genitals are on upside down and if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds.
Some also say his ears have a paisley lining and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
Some say the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape is the Nurburgring and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play Croquet.
Some also say he invented Branston Pickle and that if you insult his mother he will headbutt you in the chest.
Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake and that for some reason he's allergic to the Dutch.
Some also say that his first name really is 'The' and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island they'd all be pregnant, including the cameramen.
ALL WE KNOW IS HE'S CALLED 'THE TRISTAN'